Love and Fear in the Time of Corona
"We are living in a global public health crisis moving at a speed and scale never witnessed by living generations.”
~quote from A New York Doctor’s Coronavirus Warning: The Sky Is Falling NYT, 3.19.20.
this pandemic has me worried.
Heck, read the quote above; how could it not? Things change seemingly by the minute; leadership is lacking; the stakes are so high. It’s all you can do to just get up…for another day locked in. And we’re just getting started.
But, I have some good news I want to share. I think it can help us. With apologies to Chumbawamba, a few days ago, I got knocked down. But I learned how to get up again.
First, about me
I think pragmatically. Emotions are second to logic and facts. But these days, I'm being exposed to really concerning facts, all the time. Further, I admit that I expect the worst from humanity, and it seems easily proven. Like when I see a woman with 93 rolls of Charmin in her cart. I want to squeeze her..but not in a friendly way. I mean, really? So, in these unprecedented times we are living in, I get down, I get angry and, yes, I get fearful. I don’t like to admit that, but there it is.
How I’m dealing with fear
I’ve found a tool that is really helping me thus far. I ask myself three questions:
What am I afraid of?
What can I control?
What can I affect?
When I answer these questions three, I find it easier to be…positive and hopeful (Ha! Some poetry, free of charge.) To show how I use this strategy, here’s an example from this week.
Question 1: What am I afraid of?
A few days ago, I realized I was feeling fear. I went for a walk and asked myself, “What am I afraid of here?” It was the scary unknowns of the virus…and my inability to protect my kids, scattered across the country. I named the fear for what it was. I defined it; fenced it in, so it couldn’t run wild (go viral!) in my mind and find other anxieties to buddy up with.
When you find yourself getting anxious about an article, a picture, a story, life as we know it, ask yourself—specifically!—what am I fearing here? Catching the virus? Afraid of dying? Paying the bills? Don’t keep it vague! Naming the thing you fear is powerful, and necessary. That’s step one.
Question 2: What can I control?
This is so important: Is the thing I am fearing something I can actually control? If I can control it, then, by all means, do. Change it!
But for me, I admitted, No. I cannot do one.single.thing to alter this crisis (not on the global scale. Of course, I wash my hands, etc.) So, if I cannot control something…I need to let it go. Why keep wrestling with it? It’s fruitless! Nothing good can come from trying to control something when I have no power. I had to accept that fact. And…let it go.
These days, how much of the scariness can we actually change...in any way? Can we find a cure? Can we get a hidden stash of TP, or stop Charmin Woman? Can we really change the direction our world is currently going? We need to let this stuff go. For our own well-being.
Vayda Family Summit! Thanks to FaceTime.
Question 3: What can I affect?
I can’t control the pandemic. But I realized I can affect my children. So I suggested we all FaceTime. We talked things through. It gave me a chance to give them some fatherly advice (which they can choose to ignore…but can I control that? Noooo. So I let that go. See? It’s working!)
When I got done, I felt so much better. I hope they did, too. Why? Because I did something. I acted, and that made all the difference.
If you can’t control something, what can you affect? Get up and do that thing.
Accept what you can’t control…
Our non-stop, real-time global connections allow us to take in so much information. But we also have zero control over it. We can’t do anything about it. We have to be strong enough and stubborn enough to know when we need to drop what we cannot control. It’s useless to keep worrying.
…Affect what you can.
The good news is, there is ALWAYS something I can affect. I can affect my fear by naming it, and walking away. And I can affect other people in positive ways. Like me having our Vayda Family Summit instead.
There's a verse in Christian Scripture that states simply, Perfect love casts out fear.
“Perfect love” isn’t a feeling. It's action. And acts of love kill fear.
Get free
Are you fearful? Of course! We all are. And we feel helpless and hopeless. Powerless. But…what if you did something in love? Like, what if you picked up your phone and sent a positive text to someone? (The more specific, the more meaningful it will be.)
Act. It frees you from paralyzing fear.
In times of Corona, love casts out fear.
We are in unprecedented times! We will be anxious, we will fear. No doubt. When you do, ask three questions: What, precisely, am I afraid of? What can I control? What can I affect? Then, do that.
I get hopeful when I think about the people who are acting in love right now, all over the world. They are affecting things for the better. And if you decide to spread some viral goodness to someone else? You are too.
Now I’m off to send a couple texts.
One more thing…
Asking three questions reminds me of something very important. Here’s my act of love for you today—laughter. Enjoy and fear not. You know the answer!