Zack Vayda and His Modest Proposal
America on Fire
We live in troubling times. President Trump tells us one thing and NPR tells us another. A story reported by Fox News looks nothing like the same story covered by CNN. We try to wade through the mess of misinformation, fake news, and direct lies, scrounging for the nugget of truth we believe must be there, somewhere. We search and search and search, not knowing that with every minute that ticks by, we lose faith, hope, energy, and life. In the end, we will be empty husks, having sacrificed ourselves for a truth we never found.
What we as the human race have failed to grasp is that there is a single culprit that ties all of this together. All the confusion, the lies, the conflicts, all the darkness in this world stems from a single source: information.
The Real Enemy
Think about it with me for a moment and the evidence will begin to pile up in front of your very eyes. Why were you angry when your close friend disagreed with you on an important political issue? It was because you knew they disagreed with you. If you never knew, you couldn’t be angry about it in the first place! Why is it disheartening that global warming will eventually destroy the planet unless we act soon? It’s because we think about how bad that would be. If we just didn’t think about how sad it would be if the earth became a barren rock hurtling through space, there would be no reason at all to feel disheartened in the first place! Why is there a great divide in American politics? Information. Why can’t the economy be stable? Information. Why does racism exist? Information. Again and again, the root of all our sadness is information.
Luckily, there is a solution. In fact, the solution presents itself with a simple if/then proposition. If the root of all evil in the world is because of information, then the only way to be happy is to get rid of all information.
The Solution
I know what you’re thinking. “Of course, it’s so obvious! But, Zack, how do I get rid of all information?” Unfortunately, it’s impossible to get rid of information from the world, as it is directly tied to existence. However, it is possible for you to remove information from your world. After all, your life is from your perspective, so if you remove the information from your own perspective, it will seem as though the world itself is rid of information.
There are three simple steps to effectively remove information from your life:
1. Isolate yourself from the rest of humanity
2. Destroy everything you have
3. Always say no
Thanks to our current circumstances with the pandemic (which is just information the government told you, by the way), you have already accomplished step #1. Congratulations! Step #2 is to destroy everything you have. We cannot hope to live without information if every day we are surrounded by it. Start with the items that have the most information (i.e. phones, TVs, books, etc) and work your way down to everything else (pictures of loved ones, the food that sustains you, toiletries, etc). Once everything is destroyed, you can start anew.
Step #3 is saying no to everything and everyone. At first, it may be hard to say no to people you trust and love, but the fact that you love them is also information, so you need to get rid of that too. Once you do, you’ll start to see results immediately. Your estranged father wants to make amends? Say no. America is at war with every other country? Say no. The doctor tells you you have 3 days to live? Say no, say no, say no! (Tip: If you find it hard to say no to the visual things you see, it will be a lot easier if you gouge out your eyes)
Once saying no becomes a habit in your life, you’ll notice that you are never upset about anything. You’ll never be scared or sad or angry again. You’ll never be happy or joyous either, of course, but that’s what it takes to live an information-less life.
The Bright Future
Imagine with me, for a moment, a world without information rearing its ugly, logical head. There will be no global warming. There will be no racism, or sexism, or ageism (there will be no ‘ism’s’ at all, actually, because language, of course, has to go). There will be no war, no disagreements, no sadness of any kind. The only friction that exists would be the physical kind, as the stupid people of the world huddle together in masses for warmth, vacant, drooling expressions on every face. One day, this is the world you could live in. And when that day comes, you can take some comfort in knowing that you’ve made it. You now live in an information-less world.
Except, you are also information, so...