I'm not "All In"

This morning at work my new boss asked if everyone could stay after for a short meeting to reestablish expectations in the workplace. We all said yes (like any of us would say no to the person who pays us). As the conversation went on and more opinions were voiced and heard, I could sense in a way the team connecting more. One coworker would say something they would like to see changed, then another would agree and say why it should change, and then my boss would nod and make notes to actively improve that thing. Because of this, by the end of the meeting there was a deeper connection and respect in the group. I could tell my coworkers were leaving the conversation determined to see these new ideas through and to work harder to make that happen. Exactly what a boss would hope from a meeting. 

I could see that determination in my coworkers, and part of me was right there with them; I've had groups and circles I've been a part of in the past that had achieved that level of cohesion. But in this particular situation, I felt myself pulling away from the group. 

I was pulling away because there is no part of me that is fulfilled in this job. My coworkers are given energy from a positive customer interaction, or are fueled by the success of a good sale. For me, even a positive interaction or sale leaves me feeling exhausted, drained of energy. I don't have the skill set to be successful in this role, no matter how much I've worked at it. 

I'm looking for other jobs, but in the meantime I'm a part of this circle of people that is growing and connecting, and if I don't pretend I'm also all in, I'm holding them back from that growth. Not to mention, while I don't like the job, I like my coworkers. They're good people and I'd do what I can to help them attain their goals. 

I wish I could be all in, but I can't.